An Inkling of Philosophy
by Mew Universe
Summary: Ling muses about the purpose of the current Turf Wars. His friend Ink thinks he's just worrying too much. Are either one of them right?


An Inkling of Philosophy

Ling leaned back on the bench in Inkopolis Square, his fingers playing with his blue tentacles tied into a ponytail on his head. Inklings around him strolled and chatted or dashed off to the Inkopolis Tower lobby for the next turf war match, but he stared skyward, deep in thought.

The thought had occurred to him during his last match five minutes prior, when he had fought three battles in a row on the same stage. The skate park had looked the exact same at the beginning of each match, no matter what color he assumed nor what other Inklings were on his team. No remnant of the previous turf war had been left, not even a spot of ink on the trees or a splash of neon color on the railings. Ling was pretty sure that Judd cleaned up the stages between matches, and he knew that squid ink was easily dissolved, but repeatedly seeing that blank stage bothered him. If no one ever truly claimed the turf, what was the point? Why call it a turf war if the turf is rendered blank all the time?

Ling lay down on the bench, fingers twining behind his head. The Great Turf War had been a hundred years ago, he remembered. He had learned about it thoroughly at school. The Inklings had reclaimed their territory from the villainous Octarians in a great battle of colored ink, and once the Octarians fled and the ink of both sides dissolved, the turf was declared as Inkling land.

Yet no such claiming of turf actually happened in turf wars. Yes, there were always winners of the battles declared, and everyone competed hard for that prestige...but there was that pesky reset button, where a new match would be declared shortly thereafter. What was the point of it all? Ling sighed. What could possibly be the goal of all these improperly-named turf wars?

Is it just a way of keeping the squid kids occupied? Will the stage turf actually be claimed by one Inkling or group in the future? Ling gasped, an awful thought catching in his throat. Are the squid adults and Judd preparing the squid kids for another Great Turf War?

He looked up at the spire of Inkopolis Tower. There was an empty space where the Great Zapfish once sat on the spire. No one knew where it went, but rumors were spreading that the Octarians stole the Great Zapfish one night. If that rumor was true, Ling wondered, were the kids being prepared to go reclaim the Zapfish for the good of Inkling society? He did remember seeing a weird old squid guy popping out of a sewer grate when he first arrived in Inkopolis, and the old man was in army garb. Maybe the Great Zapfish squidnapping was only the beginning...

Ling groaned, covering his eyes with his hands. The thought of their silly little splatfests being training for actual batter was too terrifying a thought. At least inter-Inkling turf wars had respawns when you got inked by the other team. With Octarian ink, as far as he knew, there wasn't that guarantee. He hoped that someone else was looking for the Great Zapfish so another Great Turf War wouldn't break out. Or would the theft even be enough to start another Great War? What was so great about war, anyways, that warranted it to be called a Great War?

"Hey, Ling!" An orange tentacle slapped against his cheek.

Ling removed his hands from his face and glanced at the grinning girl leaning over him. "Oh, hey Ink." He sat up, returning her smile. "How'd the match go?"

"My team totally owned the other team! While inking in my signature color, no less." Ink tossed a tentacle over her shoulder and stood up straight with fists on her hips. "Sixty-three point nine percent orange!"

"Wow, those scrubs must've rally sucked."

"No, my team was just really awesome." Ink plopped onto the bench beside Ling. "What'cha doin' out here?"

Ling shrugged. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

Ling hesitated. He enjoyed turf battles, but Ink loved them infinitely more than he did, so he didn't want to set her off. With a sigh, he asked, "Why do we have these turf wars all the time?"

Ink stared at him. "For fun? To make everything colorful? To splash each other in the face?" She shrugged.

"Yeah, but..." Ling curled and uncurled his fingers as he searched for the right words. He looked sideways at Ink. She didn't seem angry yet... just curious. Finally, he said. "No one even claims the turf at the end of the match."

"Yes they do." Ink raised an eyebrow.

"Only for, like, five seconds."

"Does it matter?"

"Well, yeah. I thought the point of battling for turf was to claim it."

"Does it have to be?"

Ling's hand froze in the air. He couldn't think of how to rebut her question. He rested his cheek on his fist and sighed.

Ink giggled, standing to face him. "Ling, you worry way too much sometimes." She placed her hands on his shoulders. He looked up at her as she said, "Not everything has to have some grand reason behind it, okay?"

"Well, it'd be nice if everything made sense," Ling grumbled.

"You know what does make sense?" Ink looped her arm around Ling's neck. "Noogies!" She rubbed her knuckles against his head. "Noogie noogie noogie!"

"Hey, cut it out!" Ling protested. Ink laughed as she noogied him, and Ling couldn't help but laugh with her.

"Hey Ink, nice game—for a scrub!" a voice shouted.

Ink let go of Ling and spun around. A boy sneered at Ink, giant designer headphones over his teal head and tentacles. "I totally would've wrecked you if it weren't for the scrubs on my team."

"Oh, please, Hydra, you couldn't shoot your way out of a cardboard box!" Ink shouted back.

"That's good enough to splat you five times in a round!" Hydra laughed and walked past them to the tower.

Ink growled as she watched Hydra and shook a fist in his direction. Ling chuckled. "So you're up for another turf war round already?" he asked her.

"You bet I am! C'mon!" Ink grabbed him by the hand. "I'm gonna wreck a scrub. Specifically that scrub." She pointed at Hydra then dragged Ling behind her, and he jogged to keep up with her determined march.

Ling facepalmed and chuckled at her impulsiveness, then he blushed as he stared at their joined hands. He thought about what Ink had said earlier. Maybe she was right, he mused as they entered the tower lobby. Maybe all the turf wars were just a fun game tied to an old wartime tradition but had no other meaning or purpose. And maybe, just maybe, he didn't have to worry so much about things sometimes.

Yet, a few hours later, as Ink and Ling walked out of Inkopolis Tower, Ling looked up at the tower where the Great Zapfish once rested. His brows furrowed in concern, and some of his uncertainties returned despite Ink's cheerful demeanor over their victories. He shook his head, letting Ink lead him off to the weapons shop as he hoped his earlier musings were wrong.

* * *

(Author's note-feel free to skip)

MU: Hydra is an Inkling based on my younger brother's character in Splatoon; his full username is 44hydras. Naturally, that makes Ling and Ink my characterizations of the default Inkling boy and girl which are also the Splatoon Inkling amiibos. I hope you like this take on these two, even with the cheesy pun I used for their names.


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